Waste of Pre-Natal Time

Yesterday we had our Kaiser Permanente Oakland Baby Care class.  It was mostly a waste of time.  Half of this four-hour class was spent on baby poems along the lines of

            Babies are new

            Babies are blue

            Babies will have the best of you

            But they are precious.

Actually, my take the poem is more entertaining then whatever she had up on the screen.  Along with the poems she brought a number of baby-related comic strips and a bunch of other invaluable material.  She also volunteered to give us recommendations on how to handle our families, and suggested that our second cousins might be conflicted about us having a baby.  I was there to learn how to hold a baby and how to swaddle it.  I wanted the instructor to look at me diapering a doll and give her suggestions.  She didn’t cover grooming at all because she ran out of time.

I wonder if it’s because she’s white.  In my first trimester I went to another useless workshop where they teach you that you shouldn’t let your partner punch you in the stomach, and that if you are on crack, quit now.  But that workshop was lead by a black lady with three kinds and much charisma.  She made it at least somewhat tolerable.  This lady was a bore and she only had one kid.  Some authority!

Colored folk was growing a bit impatient with her, and some people left towards the end of the class.  A fifty year-old white lady pregnant with twins kept asking unrelated questions about lactation and immunization.  She seemed to be of the opinion that the government is out to kill her babies via required immunization shots.

Oh, the Bay Area!  We went to see The Last King of Scotland last weekend. People in the audience applauded to Idi Amin’s speech about the Greeks stealing civilization from black Africa.  Me and my husband looked at each other and started to laugh.

I watched other women in class, most of them first time mothers.  Most of them were somewhat further along in pregnancy, and their bellies were larger.  They wobbled more then me.  It helps to know where I stand pregnancy-wise in relation to everyone else.  One woman had less then a month to go, and I was able to make out the outlines of her kid inside of her belly – kid’s arm and torso.

At the end of the workshop my husband declared that he likes to swaddle, and that it swaddling it to be commenced, he will volunteer to do it.  I am looking forward to seeing him swaddle a real baby waiving her limbs in the air.


March 25, 2007. Breedosaurus.

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